Discussing software, the web, politics, sexuality and the unending supply of human stupidity.


Listening to @Ben_Hall show off - think Codecademy for already experienced developers wanting to learn new stuff (DevOps tools like Docker and Kubernetes etc.)

Really excellent way to try out new technologies.

There Was An Old Woman Who Continously Deployed

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly. No, no, hold it, she didn’t swallow a spider or a bird or a dog. Firstly, that’s stupid and irresponsible and a form of animal cruelty. Plus, we’re in the twenty-first century. We’ve got technology and cyber and stuff.

She got a programmable nanobot off some darknet knockoff of Alibaba that sells experimental biohacking gear and put it in a capsule. She swallowed the capsule. Now, of course, she needed something to control the nanobot. So she wrote a server script. The nanobot would talk to the server which would do it all. Who needs spiders and birds to catch flies when you have REST?

She wrote the script in Python. Because Python is lovely. She tried Django and Flask and Pyramid too. This script would stop the flies. And of course, she needed a database. Only PostgreSQL. I mean, there ain’t no MongoDB controlling my programmable nanobots, thank you very much. And a message queue and a few other things.

But then where to run the server? She couldn’t host it at home because BT provided her Internet connection (and that’s less reliable than a pair of baked-bean cans and a piece of string), so she decided to host it in the Cloud. But, of course, you can’t just set up a server individually for this. What if it needed to scale? So she decided to do some DevOps®.

She wrote a script to spin up an AWS EC2 server. Then she wrote an Ansible playbook to deploy it and a monitrc to ensure the servers were up. Then she set up Capistrano to deploy the script to the server. Then she set up Sentry to catch any exceptions. Better tie that into PagerDuty so she could programatically modify the notifications for when monit and Sentry had something to tell her.

Then she discovered Docker. Then she ended up on Hacker News reading about Kubernetes and decided that the whole thing really needed a microservices architecture.

And the fly is still inside her. Because the server never got deployed and the scripts never got written because she went down the pub instead.

Perhaps she’ll die. Or she’ll just crank it out in PHP.