Startup Castle is a thing. A sad, sad, thing. It’s a big fucking castle in Silicon Valley where you can:
Be your best self. Live with joy. Save the world.
Save the fucking world. How? By building startups with other Stanford graduates who don’t have excessive tattoos, listen to rap music or wear makeup. “Completely bonkers” is one way to describe it. “Judgmental people with superficial standards that are ludicrously arbitrary [… coming] from a place of extreme privilege” is even better.
What I don’t understand is why you’d want to go to a place like this. $1,750 a month is how much a private room in the ‘castle’ costs. That’s about £1,100 in British money. Which is about enough for an over-priced London flat in Zone 2, or quite a nice flat in Zone 3 or 4. Or a fucking palace pretty much anywhere outside London.
The website for the Startup Castle is truly amazing.
We come into this community and this world for a purpose.
Yeah, building shitty iPhone apps.
Our vision requires our strongest self to lead it, physically, mentally, and spiritually.
We don’t just build apps. We pump iron, cure cancer and exorcise demons, while you just sit there in your boxer shorts, watching House of Cards and eating Doritos, you lazy fuck.
Our spirit is cleansed by doing right by ourselves, our community, and our world.
Our purpose is bigger than ourselves, more important than personal comforts.
We are sent here by Almighty God, and blessed by our degrees from the not-even-slightly-fake Singularity University, to build new lean, cloud-based, social-media-linked apps to aggregate and disrupt late-night pizza delivery services and save the world, unlike you useless proles who are obsessed with watching TV and wearing nice clothes.
Silicon Valley’s weird cultishness now exists in meatspace as a monastery for horrible arseholes. I need a fucking drink about now: both to numb the awfulness of sections of my industry and to guarantee that I won’t ever be inducted into this colony of innovating disruptors or disruptive innovators (or whatever the fuck they are this week).