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Top six reasons that passing the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Bill will make me slightly happier

  1. It’ll dramatically reduce the likelihood that I’ll have to see another photo of a happy couple with their heads cropped off.
  2. All the MPs who have said we can’t pass gay marriage because the economy is in a bad state will be able to go back to not doing anything significant to fix the economy. Don’t worry, though, I’m sure they’ll find some exciting new ways to fuck over disabled people.
  3. Right-wingers will shoot off to UKIP and then see why voting against Alternative Vote was a really fucking stupid idea.
  4. No more having to see the standard stock photo of two men on top of a wedding cake at the top of every BBC News article.
  5. It’ll annoy Vincent Nichols, Ann Widdecombe, Nadine Dorries, Tim Loughton, David Burrowes, Bob Blackman, Peter Bone, Philip Davis, Liam Fox (I’m sure Adam Werrity will be disappointed though), Philip Hammond, the Christian Institute, the Church of England and the Catholic Church and the many thousands of Daily Mail-reading, pearl-clutching, lace curtain-twitching Little Englanders that these people represent. Most of all, it’ll annoy Stephen Green from Christian Voice so much that he’ll probably do something fucking stupid like picket a gay wedding or two before a lesbian pigeon shits a rainbow-coloured turd on his head. (Hey, at least it’s an improvement on threatening cancer charities.) Watching these people become even more irrelevant and shrill is fun, if you can get past the inherent cruelty of them trying to fight against equal rights.
  6. I’ll be able to legally get married if I want to. Which is nice.