Dear “API providers”,

I don’t want to build an application for your service.

I don’t want a relationship.

I don’t want to talk to any business development people.

I don’t want to read your developer blog.

I don’t want to get an API key.

I don’t want to read your code samples.

I don’t want to participate in your “ecosystem”.

I just want the data on your website in a machine readable format. XML, JSON, RDF, CSV, YAML, I don’t particularly give a fuck.

I just want to take the URL of the thing I’m looking at, send you a content negotiation header or tack a little .xml or .json or whatever on the end and get the damn data. I know that sounds a little kinky, a little crazy maybe, but I promise I’ll be gentle.

I don’t want a relationship with you, I just want to have a fiddle with your data.

So, please, let’s cut the bullshit and just fuck.

We’re not boyfriends, but we can be fuckbuddies.

Yours,

Tom, a grumpy developer.